Welcome to December!

Yesh! Today is the 1st day of December! Wow, i cant believe that time flew so fast. Last time when i was updating my blog, it was still on the early of Nov....

As i look into my past days, I was really really amazed about how God works in my life. Without Him, i can't possibly achieved what i have today. I was reminded about something long time ago when I came acrossed with someone in the twitter. He was one of the facilitator during a camp i had in Tuaran, Sabah, 5 years ago. At that time, I only know God-without having any personal and intimate relationship with Him. However, I didn't know that at that time, eventhough i barely know Him, He loves me first and He cares for me. During the faci's sharing, (Lets call him Mr. A.) that was the first time i heard about Matriculation college. After coming back from the camp, i just have the urge to enter KML, although the motivation was different (u know, the thing about only "smart kids can enter that college", "u can have one year in KML then go to university rather than having three years of diploma", the whole deal was quite attractive to me.) And guess what? He was the one put that urge inside my heart, because He had prepared something really wonderful....

So I got into this college, and there I got to know who He is, who my creator is. That was one of the best moment i ever had in my life- I found the missing piece of the puzzle in my life. I found out the reason to live, which is Him. The first time I know Him, when I know He loves me, the empty part in my heart was filled. Its like the empty part was meant for Him all along. And since the moment I know Him, my life was really changed. From lifeless to full of life, from grudging to forgiving, from unloved to loving others....

Its really wonderful when we walk with His Spirit. He has promised alot of wonderful things, only if we are to respond in obedience! (Read Deuteronomy 30!)

He said " I will never fail you. I will never abandoned you." God never backed on His promises, and He has proven that He is faithful all of this time in my life. Thank You Lord for today, thank You for reminding me how great Your love for me. I will sing of Your love forever!

The late night babble.

It was over one month since i updated my blog.

So, please bear with me for awhile while I'm trying to unload my packed thoughts (or stories?).. hehe :P

First thing that I wanted to say...

This sem is really HECTIC. =.='''

The tests n quizes never ends,

assignments are always there,

and i still need to complete my FYP proposal in two weeks time!

(yeah, rite now i shud turn to my FYP, but I'm trying to release some tension here)

But one thing that I realised I have improved on is I'm more hardworking in my study than last sem... For people that doesnt know me well, in the inside I'm quite stubborn, and it took me 3 years to understand that only faith n intelligence is not enough... I need to give efforts too...

Faith without action is dead indeed.

Recently I'm learning to control my tongue....

whether in the real life or in FB (in this case it will be "fingers", since I'm typing) ...

trying hard not to badmouthing people...

that's one bad habit i had and it cost me my friend's trust..

It's true that we should always be ourselves, but being ourselves doesnt mean we have to be meanie n talk bad about someone else, eventhough they started it first.

who am I to judge others?

We should be careful bout the way we talks, because from the same mouth we can bring blessing to others, but its also from the same mouth we can bring curse to others...

Good trees will produce good fruits, bad trees produce the bad fruits, so when we (especially those who claimed themselves as children of God) are more comfortable to say negative things rather than to bless others, we should examine ourselves...

Does the spirit of God lives in us, or some other spirits, such as the spirit of hatred, bitterness...

If u found out u had such diseases, don't wait any longer!

the longer u wait, the disease will become more worse.

Believe me.

I've been there.

It hurts a lot when I'm taking out that "tumor" in my life.

It nearly cost my "spiritual" life.

Thank God because without Him, i would never healed from my wound.

Even though rite now I haven't healed completely, but at least rite now I know I'm in the healing process.

But in order for the healing process to happen, I had to come to Him first.

I was being honest with everything I've done, and what I felt.

I'm ashamed, I'm disappointed, I cried, I yelled.

yet the moment I was being truthful to Him, I felt His hands around me.

Slowly, the warm feeling that i haven't felt for a long time slowly come back to me.

I felt His love again.

That moment I know I was alive again.

It was His love that made me feel complete inside.

Only when I live in His love I experience the true meaning of "alive".

"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.- 1 John 1.9"

"Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.- John 15.5"

A friend of mine send a message to me that " there is no gain without pain"...

this message of hers really struck me, because lately i was dealing with my inner demon, where i really wanted to live according to God's will, but my flesh keep on interfering...

But God remind me, its not easy to live for Him.

There was a time when i posted something in my FB:

"Our worth is not determined by the world. not by our work.
The real worth is determined by God Himself. sometimes what is valuable to humans, is despicable in front of God."

It's not wrong to work hard to get something.

God does appreciate people who work hard in their life.

But don't let these ambitions become the priority in our life.

Put Jesus as the top concern in our life. =)

Well, that's all i have to say for now.

Until we meet again!

God bless u . ^_^

Him n Her

Today I'm doing the same activity that i used to do while FB-ing...which is STALKING!!! wahahahaha.... I know its kinda wrong, but looking at the bright side, i could get some of recent news from friends that I haven't contacted since long time ago... And if u happen to befriend someone, u could get their info, even their daily routine! (so beware FBians, u wont want ur secret found out by a freak like me....hehehehe)


What happened was, when I was stalking, suddenly it crossed my mind to stalk someone... Someone that I removed from my frenlist a few months ago.. well, there's something happened between us, so I choosed to remove him in order for me to move on... But, now I'm curiosed again to see his newest updates, so I browse his name thru the search and 'Click' ! There u go! A new pic, with a gurl. (dunno if thats his gf though) Surprisingly, when i saw his profile, I didn't feel the pain that i experienced before. And even more, i see that he already becomes frens again with his ex... Even though sometimes u cant believe everything in FB, but I feel glad though... Maybe he's already changed and started to take the first step to move on, or maybe he still have hidden feelings towards her, I don't know, but still...It's good to see he's coming out from hiding (like the turtle hiding it's head in it's shell)..  


I know its not easy to forget something that hurts us badly. Even during these months, I struggled everyday to forgive and forget. Not forget to mention all the tears, pain that I go thru. I've learned my lesson the hard way. I should never follow my emotions while conducting any decision. One decision today could decide ur tomorow. 

"Just as good decisions can lead to success, bad ones can ultimately lead to defeat. - Linda Dougherty"

But not all experiences are bad. Some are good and it teaches me how to LISTEN, how to learn a new way to love others, which requires not only giving, but also sacrifies... and TRUE LOVE does teach me how to become a better person. 


Maybe someday I will be add him as a fren in FB again....and when that happens, I will apologise to him properly... =)

Love or infatuation?

"Is it love you're feeling or just an infatuation?"

"Infatuation is instant desire - one set of glands calling to another. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine to closely. It might spoil the dream.

Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you - to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You have so many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him." Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are together you hope it will end in intimacy. Love is not based on sex. It is the maturation of friendship that makes sex so much sweeter. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away, you wonder if he is cheating. Sometimes you check.

Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He feels your trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret, but love never steers you in the wrong direction.

Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before." 


taken from : http://www.artofloving.com/relationships/5loveinfatuation.htm


Just want to share this... ^^

How to Get Over Jealousy and Move On

Ok, you're not a bad person but sometimes you have a hard time being happy for other's success. I hear you. It can be difficult when you think they've accomplished things that you haven't and wish it were you instead of them however you can get over these jealous feelings, learn from them and move past it. In this article, I'll teach you how to get over jealousy and improve yourself.

Instructions

1. • 1

     Recognize that jealousy can be a sign that you lack self confidence. That is, if you feel jealous of what someone else has accomplished in their life then it is likely that you don't feel confident that you can acquire the same thing. If you truly believed that you could accomplish the same then you wouldn't feel jealous. Therefore, you must change your attitude and realize that you can accomplish anything you want in life if you truly work toward it and make it a priority. You can make it happen but you have to believe and put forth action. This can be done with the use of positive affirmations and truly believing in your heart and soul that "you can do it."

   • 2

     Understand that jealousy is counterproductive. It's true - just about everyone feels jealous at one time or another and this doesn't make you a bad person, it simply makes you are human. However, jealousy has no positive effect in your life therefore it must be banished. It can't help you reach true joy and happiness because your heart is closed off. Therefore, you must recognize that it is counterproductive and move past it.

   • 3

     Take notice and analyze your jealous feelings immediately. You must learn to recognize feelings of jealousy and analyze these feelings as soon as you feel them. When you start feeling jealous, ask yourself tough questions about your feelings to see where these feelings are coming from and what you can do about them to change. For instance, if you are jealous of your best friends new job and raise, it could be that you are not happy with your own choice of careers and that you know that there is a better position out there for you. If you are jealous of your sister's relationship with her husband, perhaps you need to reconnect with your own husband and make your own marriage better.

   • 4

     Refocus your feelings. Use the power of refocus to help you get over your jealous feelings. Instead of feeling jealous that someone has something that you don't, take that as testament that anything is possible and that you too can have that same thing too. That is, turn that green-eyed monster upside down and realize the possibilities and let that motivate you towards success!

   • 5

     Move past the jealousy and feel true joy. Now that you know what is causing the feelings, you must move past them. To do so, you simply must be still and meditate. Quiet your mind and your thoughts and find the happiness, joy and pride that is buried deep inside you. Make a commitment to be genuinely happy and not harbor feelings of ill will toward another person. Work on it until you feel at peace and those jealous feelings vanish.

   • 6

     In conclusion, you can overcome feelings of jealousy if you work on your self confidence, realize jealous feelings are counterproductive, analyze jealous feelings, refocus and move past them and feel true joy. By doing this, you will get over jealous feelings and experience true joy and happiness as you feel genuine happiness.

     
     

     Original source : http://www.ehow.com/how_4592699_over-jealousy-move.html

     "Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih."

     
     

     God bless u all. :)

I Want...

I just came back from a hectic week.

Now, its time to get ready for the exam week...

Yeah right.

I should start my revision now. But my head seems cannot filled with stuffs other than this one.

In fact, Right now my heart is filled up with jealously. Seeing those excited, happy face, I can't help to feel envious to those people.

I know it's wrong. But I really wanted to go.

* whimper *

Gosh. I started it again.

Arghh!!!

I should forget it! "Accept the reality, go on with studying!" is what I said all the time, but this method doesn't appear effective to me.

AAAaaaHHHH!!! But i really wanted to go to that camp!!!! T_T

p/s : From here, i pray that everything scheduled for the church camp will be running smooth, as the campers will experience the power of God working through the campers, and hope u all enjoy as much as possible!

Nihon-Go Project Assignment (level one)

Finally... I finished and submitted my third language video assignment!

Honestly, this was my first video i ever made.

So, I'm kinda proud because i accepted a challenge and succeeded to make a video of my own (of course, without my group members, i will not able to finished this video in time. thanx guys!)

The video titled 'first step'. It might be boring, but I'm proud of it anyway! :)

Looking forward to make a more interesting video next year.

Although my lecturer commented that the plot was quite confusing, and might not creactive, but she said that we ( all of my group members ) talked very well despite of our level.

She even asked if anyone of us have learnt nihongo before.

So it makes me feel proud, and happy as well to receive such a compliment.

U know, since i'm at UiTM, there was very few times i accepted a sincere acknowledgement from someone. So, her words made me looking forward to next year nihongo class.

Minna-san, Gambatte kudasai! ^_^

Moving on.

Yesterday.

I kept hoping that i could go back to those times where i love fellowship and the thirst of being inside God's presence, whether while reading the bible, or during the prayer session.

Today.

After hearing a sermon from a pastor, i decided that today i will live a new life.

I don't want to keep on indulging inside the past memories, but i wanted to make a new memory.

A new heart to love God and follow God's desires.

A new faith that everyday i will hold to His promises and sees how He works through my life.

A grateful heart that will sing His love forevermore.

This is my new desire.

It doesn't means that i will forget my past.

I'll make them as a remembrance of how God's grace has brought to this place i am right now.

Forgiving myself and to move on....

Forgiving Yourself - A Belief System

Forgiving yourself is essential. There is a tendency in all of us to hold ourselves more accountable than we do others. Perhaps you have been one who can justify forgiving others, even for a heinous offense, yet you find no justification for forgiving yourself for an equal or lesser offense. Perhaps you believe that forgiving yourself is not even a consideration because you think you must hold yourself in a state of constant remembrance, lest you forget. Perhaps you believe there is a price, some form of life-long penance that you must pay.

Forgiving Yourself - The Divine Example

Forgiving yourself is not specifically addressed in the Bible, but there are principles regarding forgiveness that should be applied. For example, when God forgives us, it states that He remembers our sins no more (Jeremiah 31:34). This does not mean that our all-knowing Father God forgets, but rather, because He forgives us, He chooses not to bring up our sin in a negative way. Peter said, "In truth I perceive that God shows no partiality" (Acts 10:34). Applying "no partiality" to the issues of forgiveness, God does not choose to forgive one person and not another. He forgives everyone who believes in Jesus Christ. Applying His "no partiality" standards to ourselves, it is just as important to forgive ourselves as it is to forgive others.

Forgiving yourself is not about forgetting. It is about not bringing the offense up to yourself in negative ways. Forgiving yourself is simply letting go of what you are holding against yourself so that you can move on with God. If God has moved on, shouldn't we do the same? Philippians 4:9 states that we are to put into practice those things that we have learned from God and from His Word. To continue to rehearse in our thoughts the events of our transgression, opposes Philippians 4:8 which tells us to dwell on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.

Forgiving Yourself - Personal Action

Proverbs 16:25 says, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." The energy it takes to harbor anger, hatred, and resentment towards yourself is exhaustive. Every bit of energy we give to negative activities and dwelling on regrets, robs us of the energy we need to become the person God wants us to be.

Life is full of choices and every choice we make will either take us in a positive, life-giving direction or rob us of the opportunity to be a life-giving individual. Forgiving ourselves does not let us off the hook, it does not justify what we have done, and it is not a sign of weakness. Forgiveness is a choice that takes courage and strength, and it gives us the opportunity to become an overcomer rather than remaining a victim of our own scorn.

If you do not forgive yourself of past sins, it is a form of pride. Whenever we enact a different set of rules, a higher set of standards for ourself over others, that is pride. When we can find it within ourself to forgive others, but not ourselves, we are saying that we are less capable of making a poor decision than others. We are somehow more intuitive, wiser, more insightful, more careful than others, and therefore, we are without excuse and should not forgive ourselves. When we reject the forgiveness extended to us by God and others, when we refuse to forgive ourselves, what we are doing is setting ourselves above others and that is pride! Proverbs 16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Unforgiveness of oneself will bring self-destruction, a haughty spirit, and a fall. Christian forgiveness will bring peace.

Forgiving Yourself - Helping Others and Yourself

Forgiving yourself is also important for those in your sphere of influence. It is a well-known fact that hurting people hurt others. The longer you avoid forgiving yourself, the longer you allow yourself to harbor the feelings that you deserve to suffer for what you did, the more explosive you will become and, therefore, the more apt you are to hurt others.

The reality is that you cannot change what has happened. You cannot restore lives to where they were before the event. However, you can make a difference in the lives of others. You can give back some of what you have taken away by finding a different place to invest your time and compassion. Forgive yourself and let the healing begin!

@http://www.allaboutgod.com/forgiving-yourself.htm

I have been crying so long, long enough because of what i have done in the past ( few years ago, few months ago, few weeks ago, few days ago and even for the things that happened few minutes ago ). I always end up regretting my decision because sometimes it does not only hurts me, but also hurts someone that i really love and also God. I always says like this : "if i didn't do this, maybe things wouldn't go this way.". Sometimes even when other people forgives me, i still cannot forgive myself for what i had done.

One day, i woke up and realizes that my life was breaking apart, and so i called out Him in pain... after gone through a prayer for healing in my life, i opened my laptop and come across this article. I realized that it was because i kept holding onto the past that i was unable to move on. There will be no healing in my life if i was unable to let go the past and to forgive myself. Jesus had died on the cross to forgive my sins. If He was able to forgive me, then why shouldn't I?

From now on, i will start forgive myself, let go the past, and move on with God's love and grace. Maybe i cannot change my past, but i believed God wants to work out the future with me together.

Wherever u are, when u read this, i want to tell u that is not too late to receive God grace and to walk in His will. Every seconds in our life was like a chance to repent and come back to Him. I'm sure like me, He was patiently waiting for u. Remember this, He loves u more than He loves His life. If His love towards us that great, shouldn't it enough to assure us that He will forgives us if we ask Him? Don't forget that He loved us first, despite of our sinful nature and the way we used to be. Jesus knows all about us, but still He is willing to give up His throne and come to the world only to die for us.

John 15. 13 : "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

Jesus love us. He died for you. His death is not for you to keep on carrying the shame and guilt for the past, but He wants you to receive God's grace through Jesus blood so that you will be able to move on and live according to His will. Keep on feeling guilt, unable to forgive urself will not change anything. But if u let go ur past, surrender ur life and let God leads u through ur life, I'm sure ur future will change.

Jeremiah 29.11-14a: ""For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity."

The only way to receive God's promises in our life was by responding His call in our life. U can do this starts from a prayer.

"Dear Heavenly Father, I understand that there is nothing to gain by holding myself in unforgiveness and there is everything to gain by releasing myself from unforgiveness and beginning the process of healing. I want to move forward and make a positive difference in the future. I confess the ungodly accountability, self-abasement, and the vows I have made to never forgive myself. Because Jesus died for my sins, I choose to forgive myself--to no longer punish myself and be angry with myself. I forgive myself for letting this hurt control me and for hurting others out of my hurt. I repent of this behavior and my attitude. I ask for Your forgiveness and healing. God, help me to NEVER again retain unforgiveness of myself or others. Thank you for loving me and for Your grace to move forward with You. In Jesus' Name, Amen."

This was one of the example of prayer i found in the same site, but no matter what words u are using, the most importance was ur heart.

You need to hear yourself forgive yourself! There is great power in the spoken word!

I hope my sharing will help u. God bless. =)

Introduction!

This blog was created a long time ago, but since i was too busy doing other things, so i haven't got time to check or to post something on this blog until recently.

So what was the purpose of creating this blog?

Let's just say.. it was a place for nobody like me to voice out my opinion about something in life.

U might thinking this person who created this blog is a loser@loner.

U might be right. U might be wrong. Or maybe u don't really care who was the creator as long as u can fill up some of ur free time reading this blog.

But if u are curious... maybe u are curious.. the reason why i created this blog... maybe it sounds stupid for u... But i'm going to write this anyway...

Recently there was many things going on in my life (everyone does), but i cant just find the right time, right place, or the right person to speak about it. So i kept on silencing myself, and all these voices keep on piling in everyday until somehow i reached my limit, and i thought i need to take it out or i might explode :p . Now i decided i should wrote these on a blog (although not all of them will be written here) so that burden inside my heart will be lifted up a little.

Btw, i don't really like to write an introduction so i think the introduction should stop here before i starts to spurt out some nonsense again. lol. maybe if i got some new ideas then i come again and post something.

But before the introduction ends, i would like to ask something. Now that u are here, what are ur another wishes?

Well, the intro ends here. Thanks for spending ur time to read this. :) may God bless u.